Shame, guilt, abandonment and insecurity are just a few of the issues I carried into my adult life as a result of my tumultuous childhood. These issues caused me to live life in a constant state of speculation, never truly giving my all to anything or anyone. I  preferred to live my life in the shadows rather than living my life out loud. Being out front meant that I would have to show others pieces of me that I didn't even want to admit existed. So, I purposefully tried to stay out of the way. By doing so, I didn't have to face my insecurities.  No focus on me, meant no chance of the world seeing all of the things I had worked so hard to hide. For years, I was content with living life at it's minimum. I was content living small. I was satisfied playing a close third or fourth to my husband and children and anyone else who needed the attention more. Who was I to see myself as the important one? Who was I to seek out the things I needed so badly? Who was I to try and convince myself that life could be any other way?

 

I had lived life in this way for so long that I had convinced myself that this is just how it would be. That was until the sadness took over. I then found myself in a place of misery, anger and resentment. When I finally addressed those issues, I could no longer live life the way I had for so many years. I could no longer dim the light inside of me that was dying to get out. All of the things I had stifled for so many years needed to be released. I had to focus on me; the good, the bad, the ugly and the indifferent. I had to be at the forefront, even if only in my own eyes. I had to take center stage if I was to survive this crazy life and get beyond the sadness that had taken over as a result of living small. The undying need to see myself on a deeper level caused me to focus on my own needs like never before. For so long, my focus had been on everyone else.  I focused so heavily on what I hadn't received from them that I had not taken the time to evaluate what I could give to myself. When I changed my focus I was able to see myself in a light that was much different than I had previously seen. I was finally able to see myself as fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of the most high God. I was able to find my own voice, think my own thoughts and declare my own actions. I could finally see my own responsibility to me.

 

I had spent years simply letting life unfold. I had made no real investment in my own life. But at this point, I could no longer let life simply unravel before me. The more I found my voice, the more I realized how the issues from my childhood had affected my adult life. The more I found my power, the more I spoke out about this new found freedom.  Speaking out about my truth allowed me to connect with women who also found themselves on the same path of mediocrity.  That is when I realized that I am not the only woman dealing with the residue of my childhood.  I am not the only woman maneuvering through life as if these things are not affecting my ability to be great. I became fully aware of the need to share my experiences with others that could relate to my struggles.  Before then, I never saw the need to open my heart and let others in because all that had ever afforded me was more pain. But the connections I made after sharing my story were different.  The more I shared, the more my heart desired to help others see and understand that they are not alone.

 

That is when Protected Heart was born! We'll talk more about what Protected Heart means in a later post.

 

As women,we often carry the weight of others on our shoulders. We carry concerns for our children, our spouses (if married) and many times,  we even carry the concerns of our parents on our shoulders.  The interesting thing is that although we carry all of this weight for others, we seldom acknowledge our own internal pain. In fact, we usually suppress our own feelings for the sake of keeping others happy.  But what happens when that pain becomes too much to bear?  Who do we turn to in these times? Who do we confide in that will truly understand our perspective?  Where do we go to connect with others and share  the concerns of life? Protected Heart Women's Ministry was created to address all of the things that keep hurting women from living our best lives. (Yes, I said our!  Because I too have areas still filled with pain).  It is a place where healing from insecurities can take place; a place where we can be made whole from those things that try to enslave us and keep us from moving forward.

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It took years for me to get to a place of freedom that allowed me to acknowledge and live my truth. It took years for me to realize that everyone else's issues were not more important than mine and that it was okay to be my own focus. It took years for me to stop allowing my insecurities to dictate the level of greatness I could achieve.  I often refer to myself as a late bloomer because of the years it took for me to come to this realization. My prayer is that Protected Heart can help you be free from the chains that kept me enslaved for so many years.  My prayer is that you break free to live on purpose and that this site and our connection will assist in your journey of self-discovery and the freedom to live out loud!